Cayden Huels was born in Tampa, Florida on September 02, 2003. He is much loved and will always be remembered by all his friends and family.
Family and friends, Please feel free to add your thoughts and any story you might want to share about Cayden.
Some of the poems on the life story Page are more than one page long. be sure too look at the bottom for the numbers of the other pages
Gods Child
Through God's grace you were ours
for a little while.
Now you live in everlasting light,
Forever gods precious little child.
You will live on in our hearts,
Our thoughts and everything we do,
and at the end of every day we
pray to God and thank him for the
Gift of you.
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Cayden was a wonderful hide and seek player. the trouble was, he was playing even if you werent. One time I was sitting by the sliding glass doors and he went out them, I saw him. I turned around to see where he was going and I didnt see him. I ran out the doors looked around called out his name. No answer. I panicked but I knew he couldnt have gone too far in such a short period of time but I saw him nowhere and he wasnt answering me. I ran down the road screaming out his name. he wasnt there I ran back in the house and up the stairs to see if he had went around and came in the front door. He wasnt there. By this time I was frantic. I went back out the sliding doors screaming his name and happened to glance over to the grill which had a cover on it, I saw his little feet barely sticking out. I pulled the cover back and he started laughing so hard. He loved it that he had hid from mommy and I couldnt find him.
Another time, I was down stairs and daddy and Jordan were upstairs doing something with the tv in Jordans room. Cayden went up the stairs, so I assumed his where in there with them. After about 15 minutes of not hearing anything out of him I went up to see what he was doing. I went into the bedroom and he was not there. I asked them where is Cayden they said he left and we thought he went down stairs with you. I ran down stairs looking for him he wasnt here I went outside he wasnt there, I finally went and looked in his room and there he was, in his bed, lights out door shut sound asleep he got tired of waiting for someone to put him to bed. He was an adventurous little boy and just wanted to do his own thing.
Grandma Jean was telling us a story the other day and I just had to share it. Cayden went to stay at her house every saturday. One day she was bringing him home after he had stayed, She got him in the car and all buckled into his car seat and she had to run back in side for a second. When she came back out, Cayden had his superman all buckled in his car seat and he was sitting in the front seat really still. I guess he thought she wouldnt notice he was there and think the superman was him in the car seat. he was always doing funny things like that.
When God calls little Angels to dwell
with Him above
We mortals sometime
question the wisdom of His love,
For no heartache compares with the
death of one small child,
Who does so much to make our world
seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling the aged
to his fold. So he picks a rose bud,
before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them,
and so He takes buta few,
To make the land of Heaven
more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult,
still somehow we must try.
The saddest word mankind knows, will
always be "goodbye".
So when a little child departs,
we who are left behind
Must realize God loves children
& angels are hard to find.
Mom, please don’t feel guilty
It was just my time to go.
I see you are still feeling sad,
And the tears just seem to flow.
We all come to earth for our lifetime,
And for some it’s not many years
I don’t want you to keep crying
You are shedding so many tears.
I haven’t really left you
Even though it may seem so.
I have just gone to my heavenly home,
And I’m closer to you than you know.
Just believe that when you say my name
I’m standing next to you,
I know you long to see me,
But there’s nothing I can do.
But I’ll still send you messages
And hope you understand,
That when your time comes to “cross over,”
I’ll be there to take your hand.
Sorry I didn't get to stay.
To laugh and run and play.
To be there by your side.
I'm sorry that I had to die.
God sent me down to be with you,
to make your loving heart anew.
To help you look up and see
Both God and little me.
Mommy, I wish I could stay.
Just like I heard you pray.
But, all the angels did cry
when they told little me goodbye.
God didn't take me cause' He's mad.
He didn't send me to make you sad.
But to give us both a chance to be
a love so precious...don't you see?
Up here no trouble do I see
and the pretty angels sing to me.
The streets of gold is where I play
you'll come here too, mommy, someday.
Until the day you join me here,
I'll love you mommy, dear.
Each breeze you feel and see,
brings love and a kiss from me.
Author~Sandy Eakle
We are connected, My child and I,
by an invisible cord, not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord that connects
us 'til birth
This cord can't be seen by any on Earth.
This cord does its work right from the start.
It binds us together, attatched to my heart.
I know that it's there, though no one can see,
The invisible cord from my child to me.
The strength of this cord is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed, it can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord man could create,
It withstands the test, can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
Though you are not here with me,
The cord is still there, but no one can see.
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline, as never before.
I am thankful that God connects us this way,
A mother and child--Death can't take it away!
Daddy, please don't look so sad,
Mama please don't cry~
"Cause I am in the arms of Jesus
and He sings me lullabies."
Please, try not to question God,
Don't think he is unkind
Don't think He sent me to you,
and then He changed his mind.
You see, I am a special child,
and I'm needed up above
I'm the special gift you gave Him,
the product of your love.
I'll always be there with you
and watch the sky at night,
Find the brightest star that's gleaming,
That's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost,
that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers,
I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze,
from a gentle wind that blows
That's me, I'll be there,
planting a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing,
and your heart feels a little tug,
That's me, I'll be there,
giving your heart a hug.
So Daddy, please don't look so sad,
Mama don't your cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus
and He sings me lullabies.
Author~Claudette T. Allen
Just because you don't see me cry
doesn't mean the tears don't fall.
I choose my moments to let go.
Just because my baby isn't here
doesn't mean he left my heart.
Don't be afraid to mention his name.
Just because I smile a lot
doesn't mean I'm all better now.
Please don't push me too fast.
Just because it's been a while
doesn't mean I can move on.
My life won't ever be the same.
Just because his bed is empty
doesn't mean we aren't his parents.
Our job is to keep his memory alive.
Just because I seem calm to you
doesn't mean I'm not screaming inside.
Remember me in your prayers.
Just because I'm holding it together
doesn't mean I don't need your help.
Lend me your ear, your shoulder, your heart.
Just because my son is in Heaven
doesn't mean he's far away.
Speak of him and he'll draw nearer
to kiss my tears away.
What Makes A Mother?
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.
"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"
"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.
"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come strait here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'
"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth may not realize, you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!
My dad is a survivor too...
which is no surprise to me.
He's always been like a lighthouse
that helps you cross a stormy sea.
But, I walk with my dad each day
to lift him when he's down.
I wipe the tears he hides from others.
He cries when no one's around.
I watch him sit up late at night,
with my picture in his hand.
He cries as he tries to grieve alone,
and wishes he could understand.
My dad is like a tower of strength.
He's the greatest of them all~!
But there's times when he needs to cry...
Please be there when he falls.
Hold his hand or pat his shoulder...
and tell him it's okay.
Be his strength when he's sad,
Help him mourn in his own way.
Now, as I watch over my precious dad
from the Heaven's up above...
I'm so proud that he's a survivor...
And, I can still feel his love~!
Grandparents are a special gift
That God gives to each child.
Their love outshines the brightest star...
Their love can never be defiled.
Oh, but when a child becomes an angel,
Grandparents feel the pain and sorrow.
Beyond any pain they've known in life...
Or will ever come to know tomorrow.
For a grandparent holds a special love
For the child their child has had.
And, to lose what they hold dear...
Leaves them heartbroken and sad.
Their legacy is their grandchildren...
So how can they learn to survive?
Will the dreams of their tomorrows
Somehow be kept alive?
Yes, a grandparent is a survivor...
And life has taught them how to be.
For their wisdom, courage & love
Is carried from them... to You & me.
I found a penny today
just laying on the ground
But it is not just a penny
this little coin I've found...
Found pennies come from Heaven
that's what my Grandpa once told me
He said Angels toss them down
oh, how I loved that story...
He said when an Angel misses you
they toss a penny down
Sometimes just to cheer you up
and make a smile out of your frown...
So don't pass by that penny
when you are feeling blue
It may be a penny from Heaven
that an Angel has tossed to you.....
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another
pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can
take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my
shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them
uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these
shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk
in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt
quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by
before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a
child.
Author unknown
1. I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back.,
2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you also.
3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
4. I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home.
5. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.
6. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but, I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.
7. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.
8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.
9. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead.
10. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy." Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.
11. I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal.
12. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
13. When I say "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily.
14. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.
15. Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice. However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
16. Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone.
17. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.
18. I wish very much that you could understand; understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. BUT I pray daily that you will never understand.
Author Unknown
What is Normal after your child dies?
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life. Normal is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Birthdays, X-mas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, July 4th. Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything anymore. Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's &; why didn't I's go through your head constantly. Normal is reliving the accident continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away. Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening. Normal is staring at every boy who looks like he is my sons age. And then thinking of the age he'd would be now. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen. Normal is every happy event in your life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in your heart. Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of your "normal." Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your childs's memory and their birthdays and survive these days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fit's the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really. Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special he would have loved. Thinking how he would love it, but how he is not here to enjoy it. Normal is having some people afraid to mention my son. Normal is making sure that others remember him. Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever. Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better. Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. Nothing compares. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural. Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because you know your mental health depends on it. Normal is realizing you do cry everyday. Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone but someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child. Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child. Normal is not listening to people make excuses for G-d. "G-d may have done this because…" I would like to believe that my son is in "heaven," but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why a fantastic young man was taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother. Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or if there is any food. Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have two children or one child, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that my son is dead. And yet when you say you have one child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed the dead child. Normal is asking G-d why he took your child's life instead of yours and asking if there even is a G-d. Normal is knowing you will never get over this loss, not in a day nor a million years. Normal is having therapists agree with you that you will never "really" get over the pain and that there is nothing they can do to help you because they know only bringing back your child back from the dead could possibly make it "better." Normal is learning to lie to everyone you meet and telling them you are fine. You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you cry. You've learned it's easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth that you still feel empty and it's probably never going to get any better -- ever. And last of all... Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal."
Cayden Huels was born on September 2, 2003 in Tampa, Florida, to Sheri and Danny. He was the joy of mommy and daddys life and also his 3 big brothers. This was one of the happiest days of our lives. I had a c-section so the date and time were all set up before hand. My mom came down from Illinois to be with me for the birth. Everything went wonderful and we were finally able to hold our beautiful baby boy.
He was a lively little one, He loved to eat and did so alot! There wasnt anything he did not like.
He was a real go-getter at the age of two. Into everything. If he in the fridge dumping the milk out on the floor, or dumping the salt under the table, he was in his big brothers rooms getting into things. He loved following them around trying to do whatever they were doing.
He always kept mommy and daddy very busy when he was 3. He was always running here and there and he never seemed to run down. He had a little friend that was our neighbor, her name was Kayla and he loved playing with her. He loved the show lazy town and had the stephanie and sportacus dolls and also had the sportacus outfit. He had it on almost everyday and jumped around like he did.
He had a major love for the superheros, especially superman. He said he was superman and you dressed in his superman outfit every day. he was even superman for halloween. Altho his life was cut short, and he was only 4 for a couple of months, He had a blast every day. He was alwasys smiling laughing and just having a good time. He will always be our Superman!
On November 1st, 2007 he went to be with the Angels. We lost him to a freak accident in the park. He walked in front of someone who was throwing the ball at a pitch back machine and it hit him in the chest causing his heart to stop. I still cant believe he are gone. I miss you and long to hold you in my arms each and everyday. You are in heaven now with God and Christopher Reeves (Superman) and I bet you are keeping him busy. I love you my little one and You will always be with us forever.
Today marks the one you anniversary of that horrible accident that took you away from us. its so hard for me to imagine that you have been gone for one yr, I always had such a hard time when you went to spend the night with grandma and that was just overnight. How did I live one yr without you? Let me say it has been the hardest road I have ever had to walk in my life. I am still walking that road and learning as I go, its a long hard painful road to have to walk but I have accepted the fact that it is now my life and I must live it. I didnt get a choice did I? This life was thrusted upon me that fateful November day, the day when my whole life fell apart right before my eyes and there was nothing or no one that could change it. I miss you today just as much as yesterday and I always will. you are in my thoughts every minute of the day and always in my heart. I so badly wish you were here with me but i know that cant be, so I go on living with the wonderful memories I have of you and there are so many. You were a precious angel, a gift from above and I am very thankful i had the time with you that I did. I send love and kisses to you on angels wings. Missing you and loving you always my baby boy.
Today is your birthday! You would be 5 yrs old today. Happy birthday my sweet baby. I miss you so much. I agonized over what to do for your birthday for weeks. I knew i had to keep myself busy and i wanted it to be special, just like you are. I made a fake birthday cake to take to your resting place. it looked so real and of course had superman on it. We also got some superman balloons to take out to you. We did a balloon release at the cemetery I know how much you loved balloons you would have enjoyed it. we released 40 of them and I know you could see them from heaven. I know you had a grand birthday there in heaven and my thoughts were with you all day long. I love you my sweet one.
Its almost time for your birthday baby you would have been 5 yrs old and im agonizing on what to do. I know it will be an extremely hard day for me, but I dont want it to be a day just lost in the wind. It was a very special day for me, the day you were born. One of the happiest moments of my life, and I want to remember it and rejoyce i the gift of you. I want everyone else to remember your special day too. We are going to do a balloon release here and i think everyone back in illinois is going to do one too. Everyone loves and misses you so much and wishes you were here with us. We love you my sweet baby always in our heart.
Time heals all things they say, Im not so sure. Every single day without you here is still unbearable to me. I miss your laughter, i miss your precious smile and your kisses, I miss the messes you used to make and constantly having to check on you to see what you were into. I miss every single thing about you. My days are so empty and lonely. I long for the day when I will see you again. when i can hold you tightly in my arms and kiss you. You were ripped from this world when you had only just begun to live, there are so many things you will never get to experience which is SO unfair. Losing my child is a pain like no other I have ever felt, one that i dont wish on anyone. I thought I knew what hurt and pain was, But believe me when I say.. I had no idea. My love for you Cayden will live on and on forever and I will NOT let anyone forget you. you are and always will be my precious baby boy and someday I will see you again. Until then all my love baby.
I havent been writing much, but please know that I have not forgotten you. That will never happen. I wanted to say happy valentines day and I love you. I bought you a beautiful balloon because I know how much you love them. We are going to take it out to your resting place this evening I wish you were here with me to enjoy it. I know how much you loved to release them and let them go to the very top of the ceiling by the steps and then want someone to get it for you which was very hard because it was high up. But you loved it. I love and miss you my precious boy.
This site has been down so its been awhile since I have written anything in the journal. The holidays are over which i am glad. They were so hard to get through without my baby here. Days and months are passing but things dont seem to be getting any better for me. I still cry daily and I suppose I always will. I think the reality of it all is setting in with me and I now realize more than ever this is a forever thing. I have dreams in which you come home, you were just away at someones house for awhile and when you come home I hold you and hug you and never want to let you go. and then I wake up. I love you my precious baby boy, you are and will always be my baby. I miss you so much and it is so very hard to go on living without you. I go through my day but am I really living? I dont think so only existing until the day when I am with you again.
As I sit here and reflect on the yr 2007 many things come to my mind. The yr started out good, we have a nice home, Danny got a job promotion, my job is going well, we seemed to have it all. Until tragedy struck our lives and things will never be the same again. 2007 will live in my mind forever as the worst yr of my life. My life has changed, it will never be the same again. I have felt pain before, but nothing compares to the pain you feel when you lose a beloved child. I have heard of people losing children before, and I felt sad and sick that this would happen to someone. But you never really know the full impact unless it has happened to you. You just dont know. It is crippling, painful and you just dont know how you are supposed to go on. This is something that i dont wish anyone to have to experience. I feel numb most of the time. Going through the motions of everday life but not really feeling anything. just surviving. I get up do what I have to do and count the minutes until I can go back to bed and sleep not having to think about it anymore. The only thing I can think about is my little Cayden and how I wish he were here with me. I would give up every thing that I own just to have him back with me. I sometimes get thoughts that it was my fault if only i hadnt did this or if only I had done that. Do you know the pain of thinking that you may have been able to prevent your childs death if only you had done things differently? That is a hard burden to carry around with you on a daily basis. Deep down I know it wasnt my fault and I know there was nothing I could have done to stop it, but I cant keep those thoughts from my mind. Time heals they say, but right now I can not see beyond today. I cry alot, but only when I am alone. I dont want to upset anyone else. Outwardly I appear to be ok, but on the inside I am crying always, screaming, angry and feeling so alone. I know I am not the only one hurting, everyone misses and loves Cayden so much. We all grieve differently and I understand that. When something like this happens people tend to try to avoid you. I understand that they do not know what to say, as I wouldnt know what to say myself, all you have to do is tell me how sorry you are and that you are here for me. Dont avoid talking about cayden, just hearing his name mentioned is music to my ears. I want to talk about him, I want to remember him as the happy loving little boy that he was. He IS still my son, he may not be here with me physically but he is here in my mind and heart and he always will be. I love and miss you my little man!
Merry Christmas my precious little angel. How I wish you could be here with us today, I know that you are looking down on us today as we all gather together. We will be thinking of and missing you and you will be in our hearts. Mommy loves you my little man. Its such a hard day without you.
The closer it gets to Christmas, the worse I seem to feel. I miss you so much my beautiful boy! They say, that when you lose a child at such a young age your arms ache to hold them, and I can say that my arms literally ache every day. I want to hold you, i want you to be here with us, opening your christmas gifts, i want to see the wonderful smile on your face as you get all excited about christmas day. But I know that can not be and that hurts me so. We are always thinking of you my baby, and you are missed terribly. I love you and you are in my heart always.
Grandma and I went out to your resting place today, She took out a truck for you with superman in it and some beautiful christmas flowers. still waiting on the stone to get finished. They said it wouldnt be done until sometime in January. I was hoping it would be up before christmas but it doesnt look like it. I miss you more and more every day. Look at your pictures all the time and wish I could hold you and Kiss you. I know you know how much I love you baby. Im trying to work through this but it is just so hard. I am praying for the strength to help me.
Grandma and Grandpa are here from Illinois for Christmas. We are all thinking of you baby and miss you so much. Wish you could be here but I know you are watching us from up above and smiling down on us. I know you would want us to be happy because I know that you are. I am trying to be strong as I know you would want me to do that. I think of you every second of every day! You are always here with me in my heart and in my mind. I love you!
We went out to your resting place today, Mommy Daddy Uncle Larry and Deanna. We took out a small christmas tree with some decorations on it and a little santa clause. Your headstone will not be up until January sometime which disappoints me because I wanted it up before christmas. It is going to be one that I know you would love. It is going to have superman on it. Mommy misses you so much baby. My heart is still aching and it still seems so unreal that you are not here. It has been one month today since you have been gone. I think of you every minute of every day and love you very much.
You are always on my mind day and night. There is not a minute that goes by of everyday that I am not thinking about you, about the things you would be doing and saying if you were here. I know you would be getting into something as you always were. You kept me so busy and now my hands are idle. I feel i have nothing to do. I try to keep myself busy but nothing I do seems to work. I ache from the core of my soul for you. Wanting you here so badly and knowing that can never be. I love you Cayden and I miss you.
Today was a really hard day for me. To have thanksgiving without you here. It just didnt feel right. I felt so empty inside. We went to your resting place today, I know you are not there, I know you are in heaven with jesus. The holidays are going to be rough to get through but I know you are with me, right by my side to hold my hand and help me get thru it. Happy thanksgiving my baby. I miss you.
I miss you more and more every single day. I see you all around me, your toys, your pictures you books and your bed, where we used to tuck you in at night. I know you are up in heaven watching out for us and I know you dont want us to be sad. Its so hard here with out you. I sit and think about you all day every day. Its so hard to function with you gone. I have no one to chase around, no one to tell me, "im your baby mommy" I miss hearing those words and seeing your sweet smile. Hearing you laugh as you run around with someone chasing you. Seeing my little superman run about the house as if in flight. I love you Cayden and I miss you so much!
I started to build my Tribute to my little angel today.
I know ive badly neglected this site and for that I am sorry. It doesnt however, mean that Cayden has been forgotten because that will never happen as long as I am alive. Sunday will be day that the angels called him home. The second yr we have been without him and I cant say that it is any easier. Dont think it ever will be. He will always be a big part of our lives someone that we love very much and miss more and more with each passing day. I visit his resting place often, talk to him, let him know his mama loves him and misses him terrible. I still cry, not every day but alot. There are so many things that remind me of him. I still wake each and every morning with thoughts about him on my mind and i still go to bed every night thinking about him as well. I know it will always be this way and I dont mind. I love thinking about him. It makes me feel closer to him. I cant wait for the day i see him again and get to hold him in my arms. Until that day I love you very much Cayden and miss you terribly you are and always will be my precious little Angel.